Sunday, February 24, 2013

Carrot Pie

Here's a little Retro Weight Watchers recipe you're sure to love if you enjoy eating freakishly small amounts of food which take a ridiculous amount of time to prepare and cook.

This is literally the smallest and least appealing pie you will ever eat. Well, OK, maybe there is one pie that is worse. Lest we forget the Frankenpie debacle of October 2012.

I digress.

To make the WW Carrot Pie (Hot Stuff Cookbook 1978) - one must peel & grate some carrots until you get 1/2 cup. Blend the grated carrots with some brown sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon - and then you are ready to pop the sucker into a 350 oven for 30 minutes. NOTE: The recipe calls for a "very small pan". Luckily I happen to posses the smallest pie pan on Earth (Thank you, Pyrex).

Not Worth the Effort - Trust Me

Here is the finished product. I have positioned it next to some household objects. I thought it may help display the utter foolishness of this recipe and the puny portion size.

If Your Pie is Smaller than a Post-It, You've Got Problems

In case you were wondering - it makes one serving, it tastes like soggy carrots, and it is disgraceful to call this a pie. So there you have it.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Liver Rule

I swear. Everything I do is a freakin' production.

This month is my 3-year blogging anniversary. And I needed to do something BIG. So I decided to eat Liver.

But I couldn't just quietly eat some liver like a normal person, could I? Nope. 

First, I held a full-blown "liver election" to help me choose the perfect dish. I pestered everyone I know on Facebook and Twitter and asked them to vote.

Next, I conspired with my WW buddy, Carl, who also happens to be the head butcher for a local gourmet grocery chain. He agreed to provide the livers. I was beyond excited! It was my first blog-related "freebie"! And it was a pound of Chicken Livers! What could be better?

Then, I made the journey to pick up the livers. All the way - snapping pictures of every moment.

My Local Purveyor of Fine Organ Meats

Liver Me Up!

One Pound of Raw Livers for Your Viewing Pleasure

Finally came the super-exciting, epic, fantabulous day when I decided to COOK THE GODDAMN LIVER for the love of Pete!

The chosen recipe, based on your votes, was Chopped Chicken Liver from the 1974 Weight Watchers Recipe Cards - Make Ahead Main Dishes category. I was super relieved that this was the winner, because it seemed like the least horrifying one of the three.

I started by cooking the liver in a skillet and sprinkled it with salt, garlic powder and cayenne pepper.

An Assault on the Senses

At first it smelled pretty good, and I thought to myself, "Maybe this won't be too bad."

But then after about 5 minutes - it began to smell bad. Like really bad. Like I had to crack a window because my dog started running around looking for a way out. The more it cooked the worse it smelled. I began to worry that I may not be able to do this.

But I did.

I cooked. I mixed. I chopped and pureed.

You Know Those are Dehydrated Onions on Top

I served it up with a fancy cucumber.

That's Right. I Scallop My Cucumbers.

I ate it. Not all of it, mind you. But a decent portion.

And now I am sitting here feeling kind of silly. All that drama over some liver. It wasn't even that bad, really. It wasn't that good either. It sorta tasted like mushy meatloaf or beefy hummus. I don't know. It's really hard to describe. 

It's all over now. The Retro Weight Watcher gals of the 60's and 70's were required to eat liver once per week. But, my friends, I can tell you with total confidence - I will never eat liver again. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Ms. Jean Nidetch!

So with that - Happy Anniversary to me! And thanks to all of you for putting up with me for three whole years! Cheers!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Go Big or Go Home

OK. I am just gonna put this out there...

This month, I will celebrate 3 years of Retro Weight Watchers Blogging.

Three years of hideous gelatin molds, cottage cheese concoctions, and nauseating tuna dishes. Three years filled with celery and bean sprouts in place of pasta. Three years of "desserts" made from bread crumbs and food coloring. Three years of chicken broth "martinis" and malted milk "cocktails".

However. If you are a true, die-hard Retro Weight Watcher -- you may have noticed one critical item has been conspicuously absent from my menu of shame.

Can you guess what it is?

That's right. Go ahead. You can say it.


Liver was required once per week on the 1972 Weight Watchers plan. Required.

And I have never eaten it. Never.

So here's the deal: To commemorate my 3-year Retro WW Anniversary, I am going to freaking eat some disgusting liver. Ugh.

And you, dear loyal followers get to choose which Retro WW liver dish I will prepare and eat right here on the blog.

Your choices are:

Baked Livery-Milky Goodness!

My Food Processor Will Never Be the Same Again

Liver and Pineapple on a Stick!

So yeah. I am already a little sick to my stomach. God help me.

Now please go vote for the liver dish you want me to prepare & consume! You may cast your vote in the comments section or on the ballot at the top right corner of the blog. Voting closes on February 10th!!! Liver! Liver! LIVER!!!!!!